Who I'm not
by MorganR
Summary: Summary: If Jarod and Miss Parker would get into a relationship, this is an argument they are bound to have. And what happens after that?
1. Who I'm Not

Can't be what everyone wants me to be

Who I'm not.

By Morgan

_Summary: If Jarod and Miss Parker would get into a relationship, this is an argument they __are bound to have. And what happens after that?_

Miss Parker stared out of her bedroom window, her arms crossed in front of her chest. She was tired and felt a monstrous headache coming on. She lowered her head to release some tension from her neck and sighed: "You don't love me. Not really anyway."

"Yes, I do." He stated matter-of-factly.

"No, you don't." Miss Parker exclaimed. She was becoming angry because he wasn't getting it. He was so wrapped up in his little fantasy world, that he couldn't see or rather wouldn't see the truth.

Jarod was starting to get irritated, himself. The behavior she had been displaying over the last few days was fueling the irritation he was feeling at the moment. Irritation towards her, for being irrational and difficult and irritation towards himself because he couldn't figure her out. He didn't understand why she was acting this way so he gave in to the feeling and argued back: "How can you say that? After the last couple of months? After all the trouble I went trough to finally break down the walls you've put up."

Miss Parker turned to face him, her arms still tightly crossed in frond of her chest. She squinted her eyes and venomously snapped at him: "If it was too much trouble, you shouldn't have bothered!"

"That wasn't what I meant and you know it!" Jarod snapped back, anger replacing the irritation.

She sighed and ran her hands trough her hair in frustration. He just wasn't getting it. Not altering her posture Miss Parker turned back to the window.

Jarod toke a deep breath to release tension and said on a much calmer tone: "Please talk to me, Parker."

She took a deep breath, herself, and slowly exhaled. "You don't really love me..."

"Yes I do!" He exclaimed.

"If you want to hear it, stop interrupting me." She snapped, turning towards him.

He held out his hand as a sign that she could proceed.

"You don't really love me…"

He opened his mouth to say something, but kept quiet after receiving a deadly glare.

She sighed again and began pacing trough the room as to collect her thoughts. After a few moments she continued: "You don't really love me. You love the image, you created of me. You love the little girl you once knew, not the person I am, the person I've become."

"I've changed, I'm not that little girl anymore. The things I've seen, been trough… made me the person I'm today. I can't go on pretending to be the person you want me to be. It's too hard, I'm too tired."

While poring everything out resumed her pacing. It was so much easier to tell him these things when she wasn't looking at him.

"For over 30 years I've tried to be the person my father wanted me to be. Day in, day out I've tried to live up to his expectations… And why did I do it?" She stopped and turned to him. "To please him…" There she said it. After all these years she finally admitted it, to herself and to Jarod.

"I thought…" She took a deep, calming breath. "I thought if I was the person he wanted me to be, he would be proud of me, he would love me."

"In the end he never did." She said, on a flat tone, after a short pause.

"It was never good enough for him. I was never good enough for him.

"I'm just too tired to pretend anymore. Too tired to pretend to be the person you want me to be. I just want to be me." The last sentence was stated as nothing more than a wisper.

"Are you finished?"

Not waiting for her reply Jarod continued: "I never expected from you to pretend to be something you're not."

She sighted and lowered her head. "Maybe not consciously…"

"How many times over the years have you asked me what happened to the little girl you once knew? Or told me because you remembered the little girl who gave you your first kiss." She more stated than asked him after a deafening silence that seem to have lasted longer than the few seconds.

Jarod opened his mouth, but couldn't find a reply because she was right. He had asked her those questions more than once. But it didn't mean that he wanted her to be, pretend someone that she wasn't. He had only asked them to get trough to her.

Before he could tell her that she turned her back to him and said: "Why don't you just leave me alone? I'm tired."

He knew this wouldn't lead to anything so he decided to leave her be for a while. "Ok. I'll leave you alone for now, so you can think and get some rest. I'll be back in a little while."

"Don't bother. Why don't you pack up your things and leave." It was more a statement than a question.

He lowered his head in defeat and said: "As you wish."

He took his duffle bag and started to collect his things throughout her house. When he came back into her bedroom, she hadn't moved. He took the last of his things and stuffed it in the bag. He looked at her and then turned around to leave the room. He stopped in the doorway and turned his head and said: "For what it's worth, when you weren't pretending to be the person that your father or I wanted you to be, I really liked the person you've become, I liked the real you." He gave her one last look and left.

--

The next morning when she walked into her office she looked impeccable. She didn't look any different. She was the person everyone expected her to be. Rude, cold, glaring at everyone in her vicinity… The regular 'Ice queen'.

But anyone who took a closer look at her could see that something was different. A curtain look in her eyes. A look that displayed sadness and relief at the same time.

Sydney entered her office and found Miss Parker sitting at her desk staring into space. He cleared his throat to get her attention, but when she didn't react to the noise he just began talking. "Miss Parker, I got a rather disturbing call from Jarod last night…

"Good for you, Syd. I'm glad he woke you for once and not me." She said on a tone that displayed no emotion. "But I've better things to do then to listen to the narratives of your science project about people or his long lost family. And I'm certainly not in the mood for one of his cryptic messages."

A little surprised by her fast response Sydney said on a tone with a tough of sadness, but full of fatherly pride: "Actually it was none of that. He called to say goodbye. He said that he finally came to the conclusion that his past didn't define him. That it didn't define who he was. He told me he was going to find himself apart from the past and present."

During his recaps of the conversation Miss Parker had redirected her focus to Sydney and was staring right at him.

"You don't seem surprised by this." Sydney stated. "You already knew Jarod left."

"No I did not." She said flatly. "I knew that he left, but not in that way." She muttered more to herself that to Sydney.

"What do you mean by that?" Sydney asked, observing her closely. He knew something more was going on.

"Huh…?" she asked dazed.

Getting her act together she brushed him of with a short: "Nothing." And went on as nothing had occurred: "Did you record the conversation?"

"Of course" He stated shortly.

"Get me a tape of the conversation. Maybe he left a clue behind as to his whereabouts." She knew it was a lie. She knew that they wouldn't find anything, but she had to keep up appearances.

"As in today, Syd!" She snapped.

"Right away, Miss Parker." Sydney said. But before he walked out of her office he asked: "Is everything alright, Miss Parker?"

"Just fine, Syd." Miss Parker said absently.

Sydney knew something was up, but he knew better than to push her. If she would feel the need to talk to him she would come and find him. But nevertheless he was worried.

--

Weeks past and they heard nothing of the pretender. No taunting phone calls or gifts bearing cryptic messages. No sightings or articles in the paper. It was just like Jarod had dropped of the face of the earth.

With Jarod gone, there was nothing that kept Miss Parker at the centre. So one day she just didn't show up for work. After two days of absence, several phone calls to her cell phone and her house phone 'They' had her house searched, but the sweepers came up empty. There was nothing missing, but a few pictures and other personal items. It was like she just vanished into thin air. The only indication she ever existed was an email to Sydney and Broots, thanking them and threatening Broots to better take good care off Debby or she would hunt him down and kill him with her bare hands.


	2. Alternative Ending

Alternative ending to 'Who I'm not

Alternative ending to 'Who I'm not.  
By Morgan

Autors' note: The original story had a happy ending, but I decided not to use it because it would make the story more off a cliché than it already was. I liked the idea of an open, maybe a little sad, ending.  
After giving it some thought, I'm posting the original ending as an alternative one. The decision to read it is up to you.

--

After days of reflection, which job he would like the most, Jarod had come to the conclusion that becoming a doctor would give him the most satisfaction. A child psychologist to be precise. He liked working with children for a number of reasons: They are such fragile beings, yet strong at the same time. He liked how their eyes would light when they, for the first time, felt that someone was really paying attention to them; that someone was really interested in what they had to say, interested in their opinion. He liked that he could relief children of the burdens they were carrying with them.  
He liked helping children who were abused and neglected, to survive their trauma and make them feel like a person again, a person that mattered. What mattered the most to him was making them aware that the abuse or neglect wasn't their fault.

--

On his way from the courthouse to his office Jarod bumped into a woman, who dropped her coffee and briefcase, which fell open, as a result of the collision.

Instantaneously they both crouched down to pick up the fallen items, while Jarod muttered: "I'm sorry; I wasn't watching were I was going."

"Don't be," the woman answered, "It was my fault, I was distracted by the outfit in the window."

Looking over at the display, he smiled and stated: "It would look amazing on you."

Blushing slightly the woman said: "Cute and charming." After a pause she added: "You must do well with the ladies, I presume."

Jarod just shrugged at the comment. He looked down to the spilled coffee and asked: I'm sorry about the coffee, would you let me buy you another one? I've know this great coffee place. It took me a week to try every type of coffee they had." He held out his hand to her and said: "By the way, my name is Jarod."

She took his hand and shook it while saying: "Parker."

"Nice to meet you Parker." He smiled. "So, what do you say about that cup of coffee?"

"Sure. I never say no to a cup of coffee"


End file.
